I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We’ve never been the sort of couple to ‘f**k like rabbits’, especially as he was my first and I was very shy and under confident sexually. We began having sex maybe twice a month.
We get to see each other (usually him staying at mine) about 2-3 times a week. But our sex life over the past year or so has taken a nose dive. We’ve talked and he says nothing is wrong, although he once admitted he felt he’d lost his sex drive. For the past couple of years we have had sex about once a month, but recently, it’s only been twice in almost 4 months.
I often tell him i want him, tell him i’ve bought new lingerie to show him, and offer to give him a BJ, but so often he turns it down – mainly because he’s tired. He leads a busy life, but I tend to only get to see him when he’s tired. I’ve tried sexting, but he gets back from either meetings or seeing his friends late, so just wants to sleep instead of sext. Recently he’s even said no to me sending him naughty photos.
He insists it’s just situations that are getting in the way of our sex life, but I can’t help but feel like hes not attracted to me, and that I don’t turn him on. Our relationship is otherwise really good. But I don’t really get complements from him about how I look (even when I buy a new outfit specifically hoping he will like it, and ask him if it looks okay), he doesn’t ever say he wants sex etc. Feels like it’s always me asking, and usually getting a no. Whenever we have managed to have sex, it’s because we have managed to find a suitable time when he wont be tired – he will get into bed and lay there waiting for me to make the move…which he knows is hard for me as I am quite under-confident (due to me feel unattractive to him mainly). I’ve then got upset lots of times. Because we’ve not had sex in ages, it lasts only a few minutes, and it was in July when he last made me come.. (mainly as he stops to move on to actual sex before I’ve come).
Basically i need some help. I don’t know how to approach this anymore without causing stress between us. Part of me thinks i need to give up and just wait until he wants sex again, until he wants me. But my drive is relatively high and i can’t bare getting so frustrated and needy for him – I’m easily turned on subtly, but he needs more. I can’t bare how awful our sex life is anymore, although i love him more than the world.